19 weeks ago, Francien and I left Malaysia on a trip through Europe. After many months of lockdowns and other corona restrictions, we decided it was time to travel again and Europe was the place to do just that. We visited The Netherlands, Germany, Estonia, Finland, Hungary, Cyprus and Portugal and because we had plenty of time at our hands, we made an extra effort to meet up with as many friends, close family, cousins, aunts, ex-colleagues and old neighbours as possible.
We met up with ex-colleagues we hadn’t seen for 13 years, cousins we met only a few times in the last 40 years, friends we chatted and Skyped with every so often since many years, family we had not met since the pandemic started, close friends with whom we shared so many memorable moments. In total around 65 people, covering a 49-year span of relationships (obviously longer with siblings). We enjoyed quality time together at their homes, in our temporary AIRBNB accommodations, in restaurants or during outdoor activities.
We had communicated with them, though at times infrequent, on social media, Skype and other internet communication channels, because Francien and I have been living many times zones away. But even when there was a long pause between conversations, many times there was a special bond. Meeting up again was all about the people, not the places.
It goes without saying that they all had different backgrounds and took different paths in their lifetimes. Some went through divorces or lost loved ones, were unhappy with their careers. Others had successful businesses or enjoyed their grandchildren, were healthy, active and had plans for the future. ‘They should invent a pill we can take so we do not have to sleep,’ a cousin said and continued, ‘that makes our lives 30% longer!’ Nevertheless, we spoke with the same familiarity about totally different subjects. “Remember when” began many of our sentences. Even after not having seen each other for many years, our friends could still interpret our smiles and sighs. I still understood when a line spoken with a serious face was intended to make us laugh. It kept conversations and relationships interesting and fresh in a way Francien and I never expected.
We shared interesting stories about our fond memories and life till date. At times it was indeed a trip down memory lane. We shared memories of the same events and sometimes still had a similar mode of thinking. This is a bond of friendship that stretches, but does not break over time and distance. The more special the shared experiences were, the stronger that bond between us. It was camaraderie which cut across nationalities and borders. But when we talked about those who had passed away, we all knew that this will become an ever-greater subject for all of us. We all agreed that friendships, memories, and experiences are what truly matters in life. When we asked ourselves what we most valued: -our health-. Many said they were blessed for what they had.
During all those years Francien and I lost track of important events within our close family in The Netherlands. When far away from them, we could not spend time at special anniversaries, birthdays and the final years of our parents. Our relationship with them evolved and took on new shapes.
Being physically away from our family and friends, lend us to see and understand their views and experiences differently. It struck me how some were stuck in their day-to-day routines and mindsets, struggling to accept that other people do things in different ways. Our distance to any stationary lifestyle gives Francien and me perspective. We experienced first-hand that there are many definitions of having a good life and being happy. I guess having travelled around the world so much, Francien and I can always recall experiences of people who are in a much better or indeed worst situation, living their lives in their own particular way. There is nothing wrong or better about that, just my observation!
Keeping in touch with people we have a special bond with widens our horizons, because there is much to be learned. Hearing about their concerns and different path’s they all have taken was worth more than reading books about how to be happy and successful.
Thanks for those many friendships !
Francien and I have already collected many years of experiences and ‘wisdom’, but still want to be more future than history. In a way, these relationships make me look forward. For one, I learned that health is of utmost importance to all of us. We all want to live our lives to the fullest. Carpe Diem; focus on the present and enjoy live. The common threads through our lives have less to do with money, career, nationality, but more with close family, stability, friendships and comfort.
From countless discussions we had, I learned that life is a great leveller. We’re not as different as we thought we were during the time we were building our careers, started our own families, competed with each other and the rest of the world. After so many years, there is no pressure anymore to compete for the best jobs, fanciest house, nicest cars, most spectacular holiday pictures. No more. Today many don’t take themselves too seriously anymore, which helps to maintain a healthy relationship. Dare I say it: no one’s life turned out exactly as anticipated. We all went through our ups and downs, had disappointments, regrets, but also our successes and personal triumphs.
And what about those assumptions we had when we met with some of them many years ago?
– The world has infinite resources for us to use: The White House in Washington and the Kremlin in Moscow are the centers of the world: Do what our politicians, doctors and teachers tell us to do, they know what is best for us: What you learn during your study-time will suffice for the rest of your life -
These all turned out to be wrong, because the world and we are constantly changing. So do our relationships and friendships evolve over time. Let’s put energy in them, it’s worth the effort.